Tag Archives | choices

Log Post 30, Week 30: Finding a Perfect Life

Throughout this project, I worked on bringing about perfect moments—and now I ask, must we WORK to bring these changes about or just allow ourselves to shift ever so slightly in our bodies until we arrive at a new shore without having known we were on rough seas? During Betsy’s Artist’s Way tele-class while I was working on this book, we talked about finding the river. I love that metaphor of finding the river. We Earth travelers are all on a journey on the river of life, meandering, flowing over the rocks if we’re lucky, working through the obstructive branches, widening and narrowing in our ability to respond to the world and to be our best selves. We find our true selves as we go along, bit by bit, even as we change, the changes wrought in us becoming part of all the things going down that river with us. The bad stuff, if we go about it right, gets left behind. I’d been thinking about my own journey and my marriage, and then I arrived at home to find a pleasurably quiet empty house. I realized that I no longer felt judged and belittled—those were my feelings, and it was time to let them go. As I poured myself a glass of wine and made dinner and ate by myself, I knew that I had forgiven myself. The way I held up my own dinner on Paul’s late nights had been my way of continually trying to show him my worthiness. It wasn’t he who thought I was unworthy, it was me. And then I read this quote by Lauren King: “There are two kinds of perfect: The one you can never achieve, and the other, by just being yourself.” Funny, I had also come to the conclusion that I didn’t need to work on perfect moments but just had to experience them in my own authentic way. My life is full of perfect moments as long as I allow myself to be who I am. What is that perfection from within? I think it’s in the sweet moments of ease, the heartfelt conversations, the realization that we are not alone, the sense of community, and being present to God and the universe. How do we, as people living in this world, find perfection?

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Log Post 27, Week 27: Loving Deeply

To love deeply, we must forgive deeply, because to be human, we are only able to be human. As The Tao says, we must be kind to each other—that is the bigness of love, to be kind to everyone we know, even those who seem to despise us. Living in the moment, being present, humbly serving, seeking privacy—they all come down to loving self, others, and God in a deep Agape way. By being humble on Day 26, I let go of worries because no one was watching. Life became full of possibility, not full of responsibilities. I was feeling expansive. We feel compassion for the homeless, the soul-weary, the sinning adulterer and murdering maniac by understanding we all have very different voices and different scenery playing in the movie that runs through our consciousness. Their stories are our stories. Therein lies empathy. By not being so self-absorbed, I start to understand what motivates people. If I try to listen and understand, I’m loving, and, as Buddha said, “Neither fire nor wind, birth nor death can erase our good deeds.” All that is required of me is that I be there for others. Bottom line: love God and love others. The more I serve others, the more I’ll just be, the less my ego will be involved, the more God-centered I’ll be.

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Log Post 24, Week 24: Tuning in to Possibility

On Day 24, I quoted Golda Meir who said we need to trust ourselves and create the kind of self we would be happy with the rest of our lives.  Wow.  Are you doing that.  I think it’s difficult to appreciate ourselves, and for that reason, we can’t trust ourselves.  Maybe it’s time to inventory our gifts, positive traits, and accomplishments so we can objectively begin to rework ourselves.  The concept of recreating myself seems counter-intuitive to being authentic and letting go.  I love the metaphor of a river, and how we move along in the current of life, sometimes hitting the bank or getting stuck on a rock, of being pushed down into the depths and rising to the surface, of flowing along in a meandering way, with our lives being transformed by trusting the journey.  Creating ourselves but being authentic can be welded into this:  accept what life has to offer and respond from a place within us that is fine with change.  We don’t have to actively force a change but shift our attitude ever so slightly, hardly making a ripple on the surface of the water, but deepening what’s in the depths.

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30 Perfect Days Log 8 — We are Our Choices

IMG_1571Sunday, November 30—If we are our choices, as Jean-Paul Sartre proclaimed, the question that begs asking is whether our choices are in line with who we are. On the 8th day of my perfect-days’ project, the many choices facing me, led me to my yoga mat where I did a few sun salutations and warrior poses and decided to simplify my day. I read the book Fire Starters on the bus, sat in the Eastman Reading Garden for The Artist’s Way conference call, and wrote Haiku during an afternoon break. Every time I choose to do something for myself, I am choosing not to do something for someone else. The Artist’s Way shows us we should allow the universe to work through us, to achieve what’s needed to be achieved, to realize our mission. For that, we must be willing to fill up the well, that place inside us that requires nourishing, to give us energy and courage to do what is required. Sometimes, making the choice for ourselves feels wrong, but it is the right choice.

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