30 Perfect Days Log 4 — Worrying is a Sin

My biggest sin is worry. When I worry, I’m trying to be in control while thinking about things in the future that are out of my control. Thinking about worry takes me out of the moment, as does looking for meaning in a day. Instead of imposing my will and making things happen, I need only put myself out there in the world and letting the universe respond. I need to think about having a meaningful day without worry for a short while, and then go about my day without thinking about it, much like how, during meditation, I watch the thoughts pass by without focusing on them. I want to love life and be unafraid. Most of my worrying is about whether I’m living life to its fullest because I don’t know how much time I have. I tend to fill my life with lots of things to make sure I’m having it all-—yesterday, it was the book on tape, yoga, a movie; today it was a play at the Hanna. I am always trying to get as much out of life as I can, before Death takes me down, and this worry that causes me to race against time and narrow the gap between now and then is caustic. Worry is an unnecessary and unhappy diversion, a way of taking me out of the moment. More on this in the book . . .