Throughout this project, I worked on bringing about perfect moments—and now I ask, must we WORK to bring these changes about or just allow ourselves to shift ever so slightly in our bodies until we arrive at a new shore without having known we were on rough seas? During Betsy’s Artist’s Way tele-class while I was working on this book, we talked about finding the river. I love that metaphor of finding the river. We Earth travelers are all on a journey on the river of life, meandering, flowing over the rocks if we’re lucky, working through the obstructive branches, widening and narrowing in our ability to respond to the world and to be our best selves. We find our true selves as we go along, bit by bit, even as we change, the changes wrought in us becoming part of all the things going down that river with us. The bad stuff, if we go about it right, gets left behind. I’d been thinking about my own journey and my marriage, and then I arrived at home to find a pleasurably quiet empty house. I realized that I no longer felt judged and belittled—those were my feelings, and it was time to let them go. As I poured myself a glass of wine and made dinner and ate by myself, I knew that I had forgiven myself. The way I held up my own dinner on Paul’s late nights had been my way of continually trying to show him my worthiness. It wasn’t he who thought I was unworthy, it was me. And then I read this quote by Lauren King: “There are two kinds of perfect: The one you can never achieve, and the other, by just being yourself.” Funny, I had also come to the conclusion that I didn’t need to work on perfect moments but just had to experience them in my own authentic way. My life is full of perfect moments as long as I allow myself to be who I am. What is that perfection from within? I think it’s in the sweet moments of ease, the heartfelt conversations, the realization that we are not alone, the sense of community, and being present to God and the universe. How do we, as people living in this world, find perfection?
Tag Archives | strength
Log Post 28, Week 28: Finding Abundance
on May 22, 2015 0
Wayne Dyer is quoted as saying “Doing what you love is the cornerstone of having abundance in your life.” At the heart of an excellent life is recognizing its abundance. Taking an art class feels lavish and expansive. It makes me feel like I’m living abundantly. When I was working on the Artist’s Way chapter on abundance, I bought flowers for my desk at work. I paid attention to how the outside light came into the Terminal Tower. I felt like writing Morning Pages was a stolen moment before the family woke up. I gave myself permission to spend time on myself. Here I am at the end of 30 days and trying to figure out how I can get my Mom to journal, but my mission may not be her mission. Remember humility? Remember agape? I pull back from that idea, and try to listen to what she needs, but I ask you, as I’ve asked workshop participants, “If you could live four other lives, what would they be like? What’s the through line, the common thread that causes them to be your choices? How can you live your life more abundantly? Maybe you’ve already arrived at the life you always dreamed of.
Log Post 26, Week 26, Humble Pie
on May 11, 2015 0
As the cities of America erupt, just as they did when I was a child in 1968, I understand the struggle of many, but not the destructive behavior of others or the hate behind their actions. Nelson Mandela said, “For to be free is not merely to cast off one’s chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances freedom of others.” That leads to what I wrote about on Day 26: humility is a virtue because it allows us to see into the souls of others. When I arrived home from Lakeside, my daughter said I would never offer up an apology for bad behavior—the idea that my daughter sees me differently than I do, as a self-centered uncompromising person made me look deep to see if that’s true–some of what she accused me of IS true. That was right after I had a sobering thought on the way home from Lakeside that as far as what I’m writing and how much: No one’s watching. And I was fretting about it, worried about making a mistake or not being good enough when no one cares what I’m doing, not really but me. So I’m just a humble warrior who needs to focus on being there for people, whether it’s paying attention to my what-would-Jesus-do behavior or writing well. With great humbleness, I examine my behavior and who I am and help others be free to write and live well. I hope I’m living in a way that would make Mandela proud–with great respect for others and less focus on my achievements.
Log Post 24, Week 24: Tuning in to Possibility
on April 18, 2015 0
On Day 24, I quoted Golda Meir who said we need to trust ourselves and create the kind of self we would be happy with the rest of our lives. Wow. Are you doing that. I think it’s difficult to appreciate ourselves, and for that reason, we can’t trust ourselves. Maybe it’s time to inventory our gifts, positive traits, and accomplishments so we can objectively begin to rework ourselves. The concept of recreating myself seems counter-intuitive to being authentic and letting go. I love the metaphor of a river, and how we move along in the current of life, sometimes hitting the bank or getting stuck on a rock, of being pushed down into the depths and rising to the surface, of flowing along in a meandering way, with our lives being transformed by trusting the journey. Creating ourselves but being authentic can be welded into this: accept what life has to offer and respond from a place within us that is fine with change. We don’t have to actively force a change but shift our attitude ever so slightly, hardly making a ripple on the surface of the water, but deepening what’s in the depths.
Log Post 23, Week 23 – Following the Heart
on April 12, 2015 0
Being a writer, I’m too much in my head. I try to write from the heart, but using words is what the brain does, not what my heart does. I like what Steve Jobs had to say about following the heart: “Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.” Steve Job’s quote goes straight to the heart of authenticity, but it also sheds some light on what faith is all about. If you follow your heart and are faithful to your own voice, you’re living on faith and connected with the universe, the Oneness, God. The ancient Indian sage Patanjali advised that if we can stand in our truth and speak the truth, we’re acknowledging our beliefs at that particular moment in time. I find that by slowing down and doing the necessary soul searching, answers come to us and are true. But, oh, the possibilities. They are endless. Especially if you follow your heart.